On Getting Older: A Series: An Homage to the Women Who Raised Me

Now that I have gotten over the more Physiological aspects of getting older, I can now move on to the less bodily themes.

Just to recap, I just really wanted to reflect on life so far, in time with my turning 35 this year. I mentioned the concept of “aging spurts” in my previous post, wherein such growths are marked by a change in one perspective as you get older.

The question at hand that I want to tackle is simple, “How has my perspective on (insert theme) changed now that I am older?”  

This time I’d like to look into my gender. It feels a bit daunting, especially now a days when the world seems to be seeing a confident revolution of women who are emboldened to fight for their equality, the Feminist wave of today is no longer willing to compromise but are instead taking charge in demanding the changes that many generations before have long been working hard for. The gender issue of today has also evolved not only concerning women and where they stand with the long dominant male, but alongside them are the LGBTQ+++ community who also demand their equal respect in society, asking for more than tolerance but for acceptance.

The Feminist movement at present seem so bold and assuring, but I also know the reality that while today’s women are fully aware of what they are entitled to and deserve, it is still a long way to go. I am however hopeful, and is proud to see the accomplishments women are making, however big or small they are.

The question of gender is for me a very critical point to examine, so the question of how I feel as a woman I always defer to those that greatly influenced my life. I consider myself lucky because I was brought up by two wonderful women. My mother and her younger sister, were and continue to be the foremost examples I live by in terms of being one; each showed me many sides of what it means.

My mother’s parenting was very democratic and was more on teaching us how to be independent. But she has always been welcoming in helping me be okay with the emotional aspects the estrogens of our hormones are dominant with. She would let me cry if I were sad, and to my husband’s dismay, I am the fanatic of talking about my feelings, which my Mom and I often do.

My Aunt, whom I fondly call Tita-Tita (“Tita” is from a Spanish diminutive term for aunt which we commonly use in the Philippines as well) lived her life with Polio, but despite her disability, worked hard for her education, which resulted in a good stable job that supported a lot of us in the family, does charity work, never spoke ill of anyone, and always sees the good in people. Suffice to say, she was a role model in every way, and a constant reminder in my life that if she, despite all the odds against her always tries to do what is right, then there is no excuse for me not to do so (by the way, I could not fully live up to as it is not easy; another testament to my Tita Tita’s awesomeness).

And because they were the standard that I was raised in, it was a little bit different for me growing up as accent on presentation and femininity (meaning looks, fashion, and social graces) were sort of put secondary as both put more emphasis on responsibility, education, and character. They weren’t prudish or stiff, they loved to sing and dance, to read, to be helpful, to be generous, and while I would see them put make-up on or go shopping for clothes, such memories were in passing to the vivid lessons they imparted on the importance of just … being.

The best example I could think of are when after watching a Disney film, they made sure I was able to catch, instead of the idea of the glamour of being a princess, the lessons imparted in the defining characteristics of the female leads, like kindness, helpfulness, compassion, etc.

Both are the go-to people in our family, and even though in many aspects their potentials weren’t fully explored as far as other successful women in comparison; to their small circles, they are important, needed, respected, and most of all loved. And in that regard of my raising, I define what a woman embodies.

In answer to this series’ question, growing up both were just there, the two people who provided consistency, care, and guidance. But as I grew older what I did learn was that they weren’t just special because they took care of me, but because they both took the mantle in the absence of a male support or counterparts in their lives. And even though the men in their lives never really gave them the kind of support that they needed, they never dwell on that. While they would never say it was easy all the way, they just took it all in stride and carried on.

When I was growing up, my obedience was guided by an innocent trust towards the two most prominent adults in my life. But as I became an adult, I slowly saw how it wasn’t so easy for the two of them, and my adherence for them has now grown out of respect for the kind of people they both are.

And this is what I think what a strong woman ought to be, and I do understand the need for our gender to fight for our rights and go against the big and small disadvantages we have in society, but I would also like to pay homage to women like my Mom and my Tita who just push forward despite all of it. Not that they tolerate or not care about the plight of every women, but because like so many of them, they show female strength in their ability to take on whatever role that is needed of them.

My life is relatively easy and comfortable in comparison to theirs when they were my age. As a trailing spouse the challenges and experiences that I have are somewhat unique, but unlike it was for them, my responsibilities weren’t thrust on me out of circumstances, my options are varied, and I have a partner that I can share my burdens with. I cannot help but feel guilty at times, for reasons that are hard to explain, but this life also shows me how great they both are, and how I will strive to live to be at least half the kind of women that they showed me to be.  

My Mom and Tita Tita